so...this wrestling thing...

Fargo was just over...and now all these girls i know or have seen wrestle or have roomed with...are winning Fargo and going to Turkey (like Adeline, Vicky, CC, Beth) and winning and so on and so on.  and don't get me wrong...i am SO happy for them!  i know they've worked their butts off for it and deserve it every bit.  but i'm also a little jealous.  it just doesn't come naturally.  or i haven't done it enough.  or i don't look at it the right way-like really understand it.  which i think is truly the biggest thing.

it just seems that i work and work at it but i'm still slogging away.  i'm still JV, i still get tired, i still can't hardly ever just go and go in a match and let it come naturally.  it has sometimes, when my mind's actually prepared and ready to go.  man, i kick ass.  and i feel good and i'm happy and i'm having fun.  but the rest of the time, i try and try and proabably over-think everything...and it gets so frustrating.  and my knee is always in the back of my mind, and just all this stuff, and all these excuses as to why i can't or why i fail.  and i HATE that.

i was never anything in high school, and i'm going to shape up to be a nothing in college if i don't turn my shit around.

if anyone can kick my ass and put my head on straight, please...  start the ass kicking right now.

i want to work out and do active stuff and have fun wrestling.  but during the season it just seems to drag on and become a chore.  i want to be around people who love wrestling and are good and in it for the right reasons.  who do extra and are willing to help.  and i need to be able to put 100% into like i did the first couple years of high school.  i need to be truly confident in myself...not just on the surface.

i think that's the biggest part.  but...how do i do that?  becasue i honestly don't know and never have.

...maybe writing it down is the first step...

125.7 before breakfast! :)

Universities is in a week!

Joe's knee is MUCH better and he's starting to wrestle and stuff now.  he's been working out and biking too.  rawr.  :)  so now that we can do stuff and it's beautiful outside, we're going garage saling today! :D

LOL.  not much else to report.  school's over on May 2, and then Fila Jr Nats on the 16/17.  so...yep!

Easter weekend update

so...it's Easter weekend...and i'm chillin at school with joe and probably tyler & macall

just wrestled in College Nationals last weekend which was a blast. ..except for the making scratch weight part lol.  but i did make it...a pound under! YAY.  i went 2-2 and wrestled tough in the matches i lost.  lost out in the 7th/8th place round or one round out of what the were placing.  but i feel pretty good about it.

it took me a little soul searching to realize i want to go to Universities in a couple weeks and am SO much happier that i decided to go.  but...i'm fat again lol.  back up to 128/129-ish.  ah well. 

IT'S SPRING!!!
warm weather, shorts, tank tops, t-shirts, swimming, horses, and FUN!

<3s to everyone! :D

i am very happy right now!  i just got done with my athletic training interview and i feel really good about it.  my joseph is at his Nana's right now with his dad and his surgery went fine lol.  i have 5 more pounds to lose to make scratch weight next week...we've had good practices and yesterday's was pretty awesome/fun!  i've been keeping up with all my classswork and athletic training hours and beeing responsible and stuff.  trying to get joe to be that way too haha, and he's getting there :P.

but i'm just really happy right now!

the only thing that would make it better is if i could go home for spring break next week cause i miss my family...but that's ok, and school will be out in two months...!

i love you all!

things have changed a lot since that last blog.  work turned out okay...i made a fool of myself with Jose that i will regret forever....   ...dan distrusts me and is walking the hate/love blade...

but i'm at college now, at Missouri Valley...and i love it.  i found a great guy....  well, actually, he found me...and we've been going out for over 4 months.  wrestling's been going well...i'm feeling better, but i need to get stronger and more comfortable with shooting.  my head is slowly getting in the right place, but still needs work.  i'm not as aggressive as i should be.  i wrestled in an OCU dual on tuesday where i sprained my LCL and maybe tweaked my IT band on my left knee.  haha.  but they're alright...i wrestled in canada yesterday (sat) and that was fun as hell.  i went 1-2, losing to a canadian girl who took second i believe, winning against Alaska lol, and then losing against Courtney who SHOULD have gotten third, but the ref made some terrible terrible calls.  but anyway i basically could have stayed and had practice for all the wrestling our own girls i did lol but it was super fun.  even the long drive up and back was fun because we were all laughing and having a good time and eating and...it was just great :).  i love my ladies!  Angelee, Karen, Courtney, Michelle, Zinna, Ashley, Clara, Vanessa, Norene, and Alaska, along with coach and his gf (to drive) came along.  loads of fun :)

so anyways i have to get to hw cause i have a ton and like 3 tests this week (ick!!!) but it's all good.

<3s